It spoke volumes to me. Oh, my! Have I been there when we were waiting for our first child. Hearing someone was expecting always led to me crumpled on the bathroom floor in tears. "Why her? I deserve it more, but why is she getting a child?"
And oh, how I am here now. I see others having their second and third babies, and all I want is a sibling for Mary Grace. My heart aches. Those old feelings that I thought were finally gone have reared their ugly faces again.
We have prayed so much and know without a doubt that we are being called to adoption. Having been adopted myself {by my father} I have always had a heart for this type if mission. Knowing what we are called to do doesn't make it easier though. I cry out often to my Father asking Him why so-and-so gets the easy path, and He chose the harder road for us.
I want to get pregnant within two months of trying.
I want an easy, uncomplicated pregnancy. One where I don't go into labor at 23 weeks.
I want.
Oh, how I want.
My husband and I are selling our home just for the chance to pursue an adoption. We are sacrificing, we are following.
But it still hurts.
I'm just so thankful that 'There is a balm in Gilead' to make the wounded whole.
Jesus is my balm. My healing. My hope.
And for that, I could never praise Him enough. Regardless of the path He chooses for me.
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3 comments:
Thank you for sharing! I'm so glad this blessed you. {hugs}
Okay, I'm like blown away that you read my post and then commented! :) This spoke exactly what I have felt so many times!
I was just talking with a friend who is reading your book! I cannot wait to dig into it- she said it is a great read!
Thanks again!
Oh, I'm so glad she's enjoying the book. I told a friend once that I cringe a little bit every time I pick it up, because it's not very... uhm, maybe "polished" is the word? It's really raw, and not my best writing.
But then God completely convicted me, because that's the whole point! I wrote it from the middle of everything, before I had time to "polish" my story, to tell the tame version, or the well-written one. And when you're in the middle of pain, maybe a little raw and unpolished realness is what you need.
Anyway- that was all to say- I'm still a little in awe when someone says that the book is ministering to them. I'm thankful that God uses even our broken offerings for His glory.
Blessings, friend.
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